What your winter hat says about your SURVIVAL skills

This may be one of the best things I’ve ever seen. It takes a certain calibre of man to confidently hit the high street in one of these bad boys.

Head protection rating from rain 2%

Head protection rating from the cold 90%

Style rating 99%

Survival skill rating 50%

This is clearly a dry weather statement look because no one wants a hat that smells like a wet dog, PLUS believe me, you’ll never get that fluff quite the same again after a soaking (even with a hair dryer). Saying that on a cold winter morning your head will be T.O.A.S.T.Y and this look could also help with social distancing on the bus partly due to its radius.

Available from newchic.com

Let's just say right now that this attempt at an urban trapper may be more of an inside look for this season.

Head protection rating from rain 5%

Head protection rating from the cold 30%

Style rating 20%

Survival skill rating 25%

It’s not waterproof. It’s not even made with materials that will keep your head all that warm BUT if you’re the type of guy that likes to wear a suit jacket and a giant silver clip on a chain around your neck then THIS is the item you need to complete that look for sure. We’re not sure that survival is at the top of your fashion choice agenda (those nails have never touched soil) but I’m not sure you’re all that bothered. Stay inside, stay happy, pout on.

Available from ASOS

Ah the flat cap. Hat choice of champions, hipsters and shepherds.

Head protection rating from rain 70%

Head protection rating from the cold 50%

Style rating 99%

Survival skill rating 75%

Let’s be honest, whether you’re herding confused looking sheep into tiny pens down at the sheep dog trials or strutting your stuff along a city street in pointy shoes humming Mumford and Sons, you’ve got this whole protection from the weather thing nailed. Assuming it’s a snug fit to prevent wind liftage (not actually a word) on a gusty day, we’d say this was a good choice. Added warmth provided by a beard- you should consider this to complete the look (harder if you’re female).

Available from trendhim.co.uk

Unwanted knitted item from a relative? Or, just poor fashion choice? Either way this hat is just pretty horrible, there you go, I said it. There’s a reason our brains are on the inside where no one can see them.

Head protection rating from rain 1%

Head protection rating from the cold 10%

Style rating 1%

Survival skill rating 5%

I mean, survival skills wise at least you have something on your head and that will help, but the design, material and style are too flawed for this look to achieve higher than a 5% mark on our survival skill rating. Hard to wash, impractical for falling autumn leaves and acorns that will become embedded in the folds. Maybe time to have another go at this whole headwear buying malarky!

Available from Wish.com

I mean you’re onto a winner and can’t go far wrong with a good old bobble hat, especially one as insulated AND mustard coloured (a key fall/winter 2020 colour trend I'll have you know!). It may be labelled as snowboarding apparel, but who needs snow?! This is great look for popping out to the shops or sitting in your PJs watching TV on a chilly day.

Head protection rating from rain 80%

Head protection rating from the cold 99%

Style rating 99%

Survival skill rating 90%

Yep, you know your stuff. Happy warm ears. Happy warm head. Go embrace the elements.

Available from absolute-snow.co.uk

Ah who says survival needs to be all about camo wear and waterproofing eh? If you’re looking some something a little more jovial than your traditional bobble, why not pick up this Bert hat?

Head protection rating from rain 50%

Head protection rating from the cold 75%

Style rating 80%

Survival skill rating 80%

Nice.

Available from paperhigh.com

Fur, Khaki, adjustable earflaps....this is the Bear Grylls of the hat world.

Head protection rating from rain 85%

Head protection rating from the cold 99%

Style rating 99%

Survival skill rating 95%

You’re a born survivor. I imagine you could make us fire from two twigs and live off plants and nuts you’ve foraged for in the local woodland for at least a week if you wanted to BUT you have nothing to prove to us. You’re a survival wizard.

Available from eBay.co.uk

Peaking too soon. TOO SOON!

Return to the house immediately and put this back in the loft for at least another month.

We’re not scoring this as part a Christmas-in-October-is-too-soon-protest!

Available from mountainwarehouse.com