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When grief hits you like a truck

Kieran Murphy photo Kieran Murphy · 06 Aug, 2020

Kieran's mum died suddenly just before lockdown. He explains that being able to talk about how he is doing has helped.

Hi, I'm Kieran. I'm a youth worker here in Hitchin. I just want to take a few moments to talk to you about something that I've had to journey through in lockdown, and what I've learned and what I've found helpful. And that is grief, bereavement, it's losing someone.

Back before lockdown started, I lost my mum really suddenly, completely out of the blue, and it hit me like a truck. Really, as you can imagine, it's been really, really tough. And I was grateful because actually we lost my mom before lockdown. So we were able to have a proper funeral, we were able to say goodbye to her we wanted to, which I know many people now haven't, you know, I feel for you, I pray for you.

But I've had to, in this sort of first year, and we're not even up to a year, in this time, actually we've been through lots of hurdles, lots of firsts - first mother's day, my mum's birthday - key moments in my family that actually we've not been able to gather together. We've not being able to be with one another and talk about things and express things. And I found that really tough.

But one of the things I've tried really hard to do in all of that is to talk about how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, because I know if I don't, then actually I brought all that stuff up and it comes out somehow. But one of the things I've tried really, really hard to do is to talk about my grief. Talk about how I'm feeling, talk to my wife or to my friends on face, on Zoom or something like that to let them know whether it's a good day or a bad day, because that's one of the things we've lost is that you can have lots of great days, and then suddenly like a wave. It comes out of nowhere.

And I know that with the social isolation and us being apart from one another, it can be much easier not to talk about that stuff. And so I'd encourage you wherever you're facing wherever you're going through be it bereavement, loss, or just struggling with life in general, because this is a crazy time, then I'd encourage you to talk to somebody, to reach out, to find those friends that you've got, those family members that love you and care for you.

And just be honest, say what you're saying, "I'm fine." I should be honest and say, "Today's a tough day." Sometimes I have to say it to my wife. I just say to her, "Claire, today, it's a tough day. "I don't know why, I'm just really sad." And other times it's okay.

But I encourage you wherever you're doing wherever you're facing, to reach out and to talk to someone. Because when we talk about it, we realise it's pretty normal and it's okay. And then people around us know how we're doing.

So I hope that helps. I look forward to sharing some more stuff with you again later. Bye, have a good day.


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